You can make a strong argument that having expectations can cause of a lot of pain. By setting an expectation for a specific outcome, we become heavily invested in that outcome. But so often we aren’t in control of how things turn out. We’re only in control of our day-to-day actions. In other words, we’re often only in control of the process. For instance, we can have expectations about what retirement “should” look like, but we ultimately control very little of the outcome.
Just take a look around. I have a strong sense that what baby boomers expected retirement to look like 40 years ago doesn’t match up very well with the current reality. Things change and circumstances outside our control can upend even the best planned expectations.
If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question: “Why am I choosing my partner today?”
If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”
If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.
Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.
Timing is something that none of us can seem to get quite right with relationships. We meet the person of our dreams the month before they leave to go study abroad. We form an incredibly close friendship with an attractive person who is already taken. One relationship ends because our partner isn’t ready to get serious and another ends because they’re getting serious too soon.
The truth is, when we pass someone up because the timing is wrong, what we are really saying is that we don’t care to spend our time on that person. There will never be a magical time when everything falls into place and fixes all our broken relationships. But there may someday be a person who makes the issue of timing irrelevant.